| Status | complete |
| Tags | f/f, d/s, romance |
| Warnings | none |
"You sure you'll be alright?"
"I'll be fine, mom. I've done this before."
"I don't mean having an apartment, hon. I mean... you know."
Vicky sighs expansively, momentarily channeling her teenage self. "I'm not the first person to ever get divorced, either. Thank you for helping me move, but I will be fine, really."
Vicky's mom gives her a worried look. "It's a new city, and -"
Frustrated, Vicky cuts her off. "I'm not the first person to ever move to New York, either. Look, I'll call you if there's a problem, okay? Right now I just really need some alone time to get settled."
Her mom gives her a warm, comforting smile like she's six again and just skinned her knee, instead of thirty-one and trying to figure out how the heck to build a life from scratch after ten years of putting everything into a doomed marriage.
"Alright, hon. Give me or your dad a call any time. I mean it."
"I will, mom."
A couple of days later, Vicky's bought and moved in enough stuff for the apartment to feel a little less empty, and she finally unpacks her desktop from one of the three sad little boxes she shipped from the house she used to share with the man she used to love.
"Hey guys," she says, quietly. Immediately, a couple of voices pipe up in her headset.
"Ella! Where've you been?" "Yeah, long time."
Vicky sighs just to herself. It's not that polite to ask about people's personal lives in her guild, but she's got to at least say something cursory.
"Personal stuff. Moving, that kind of thing."
"Sucks," says a voice she knows pretty well. Trent's an old friend from college; they got into the game together a while back.
"Hey Stefano," she says - of course she's using his character's name - "how've you been?"
"Same old."
He was never really one for words. "Nice. Anything going on?"
"Raid in twenty. I'm sure we've got room for you if you're geared."
"Yeah, I can be."
Vicky's actually run this raid dozens of times and could probably lead it from memory at this point, but fortunately she doesn't have to, since someone she doesn't recognize steps up to run it. She has a voice like dry ice, Vicky thinks, like she's probably cold to the touch in real life, and she doesn't show even the smallest trace of emotion, even when they wipe over and over on the third boss.
Except, right at the end, after they down the last boss, she says "Good work, everyone," then thinks for just a second, then adds "especially whoever was lead healing. Nicely done." Vicky smiles at her display, but before she can say anything, the raid leader signs off.
"Who was that?", she messages Trent, privately.
"Steff... something elvish-sounding," he replies. "Pretty new to us but she's been around the block enough."
"She seemed nice," Vicky sends.
"She's okay," he replies. "Doesn't talk much except when she has to. She seemed impressed with you, though."
Vicky blushes just a little. "I'm overgeared," she sends back.
"Sure you are," he says.
A couple of weeks go by and Vicky lands a job - not her dream job, but definitely something she can do and that'll pay her bills. She wishes she could hug her past-self for insisting on working full time even though they really didn't need her to with Dan bringing home three times what she did.
Having found something is a huge weight of anxiety off her chest that she only partly even realized she had, and she signs on for the evening in a stellar mood. To cap the day off, the raid goes well, and they get closer than they ever have before to finishing the entire dungeon on the hardest difficulty.
Steff has a real natural talent, she thinks; she knows with certainty what to do at every step, but also she manages to put that certainty into her voice, and it shows in how crisp their execution has been. Usually there'd be at least two or three people arguing or telling asides or just plain chatting over the top of the raid leader, but there's something about Steff's demeanor that means nobody, even the regular loudmouths, wants to keep talking when she's speaking.
Commanding presence is the right phrase, Vicky decides, even though none of them can actually see the woman.
After Steff says her "Good work, everyone," and abruptly disconnects from voice chat for the night, she lingers in the game - probably repairing gear, sorting her bags, that sort of thing. Feeling bold, Vicky messages her.
"Good work," Vicky types out, then she rereads it, decides it's a bit condescending, deletes it, and eventually settles on: "You're a good raid leader."
There's a pause, and then Steff - Steff Gwemegil, in full, but Vicky has already resigned herself to never spelling the last name correctly - types back: "Thanks. You did well tonight."
Vicky grins at the screen, and a blush colors her cheeks, just a little. Compliments don't usually embarrass her but there's something about Steff's usual coldness that makes it really mean something.
"How long have you been leading raids for?"
Another, longer pause.
"About six months."
Wow. Six months, and she's already better at it than Vicky will probably ever be.
Also, the impeccable spelling and grammar is starting to give Vicky the uneasy feeling that Steff is actually either fastidious about detail, or paying a lot of attention to this conversation, or maybe both. She finds herself checking everything she types over a couple of times, because she really doesn't want to make a mistake now.
"When did you join? I don't think I've seen you around much."
Another pause, and this time, Vicky finds herself tabbing back to the chat window with Steff every few seconds, even though she's perfectly aware there'll be a noise when the woman replies.
"A couple of months ago."
Sheesh. Vicky really has been neglecting her guild, if they picked up a new regular raid leader months ago and she didn't even notice.
Before Vicky can type out her next question, Steff signs off.
The next raid is the day before Vicky's first day of work and she's basically a nervous wreck. She's the lead healer, again, and after the fourth time the raid wipes because of her fuckup, Steff calls for a five-minute break, voice still perfectly flat and emotionless.
Vicky's just about to get up, when a message window with Steff pops up. Vicky almost can't bear to read it; Steff's definitely going to be disappointed in her, and she feels bad enough about wasting two dozen people's time already.
"Hey," Steff sends, and Vicky stares at it for a second.
"I'm sorry," Vicky replies with straight away, pre-empting Steff's disappointment.
"It's fine," Steff sends back. "Do something for me."
"What's up?"
"Just take a really deep breath, hold it for a bit, and let it out slowly."
It sounds like the kind of dorky self-affirmation thing her mom likes, but Vicky gives it a try, because it's Steff asking and she owes her for fucking up her raid, then a couple more tries, and to her surprise she finds that she really does feel better.
"Thanks. It helped.", she sends back, and Steff closes the conversation.
Vicky turns it around, and on their fifth attempt they power through the dungeon. They don't finish, but they get a lot closer, and the mood on voice chat turns around right away. They make two more attempts, both solid ones, and nobody's really screwing up, they just don't quite have the experience and the gear to finish it.
Steff drops off voice chat right away when they're clear of the dungeon, but she lingers in the game again, and Vicky sends her a message.
"Thanks for earlier," she says.
"Any time," Steff replies, and then she leaves the conversation open instead of instantly closing it like she usually does when she's done, and it makes Vicky feel weirdly self-conscious, like she has to find something else to say.
"How'd you know it would help?", Vicky asks.
"I was listening to your voice," Steff sends back, "and you sounded worked up."
Vicky snorts at the understatement. After the fourth wipe she was feeling close to crying, honestly. Still, it surprises her that Steff was actually listening to her voice closely enough to pick out emotion, especially over voice chat. It should sound a little creepy, like stalker-ish, but coming from Steff who's usually so cold it's just... well, honestly kind of nice, like Steff was actually vaguely concerned about her. Or, she thinks, about the raid, since it was definitely Vicky that was screwing up.
"You never sound worked up," says Vicky, and then she regrets it right after. It feels like a dumb thing to say, like she's fangirling a little bit about how collected Steff is under fire, but maybe she is, just a little bit, and in any case she already sent it so all she can do is cringe and wait for the reply.
"Thanks," Steff replies.
"Do you do it on purpose?" Vicky's not sure which answer she even expects.
"Yes," types Steff. "People listen better when you're calm."
"You're easy to listen to," Vicky types, meaning it, and only after she's sent it does she realize it sounds like she's complimenting Steff's voice, which would be super awkward, so she hurriedly corrects herself:
"Easy to listen to orders from, I mean."
There is a long pause, and then Steff sends back another "Thanks.", then abruptly signs off.
Vicky's first day of work actually goes great, thus proving once again that her persistent anxiety is a filthy liar.
That evening, after some celebratory takeout, she signs on and messages Trent right away.
"What do you know about Steff?"
"Not a lot," he says. "Just what was in her guild app."
"And that is?"
There's a pause. "Twenty-six, female, Eastern Standard Time. That's about it. She left out all the optional stuff."
"Huh."
"She's pretty standoffish," Trent continues, as if both of them hadn't experienced exactly that for several entire nights over the past few weeks.
"She sure is," replies Vicky, and a little flicker of curiosity lights inside her.
Vicky signs on a few minutes early for the next raid, and Steff's already on, although not on voice chat yet. When Vicky gets to the assembly point, Steff's already there, decked out in full plate. Steff somehow manages to be their main tank and the raid leader, and Vicky is frankly in awe that she can do both roles together at all, let alone do them well.
Vicky waves, in game, at Steff, but Steff doesn't really acknowledge her; instead, a chat window with her pops up.
"All good?" Steff asks, without any particular preamble or context.
"A little nervous," Vicky replies. They're about to try this dungeon on the highest difficulty, which is a first for them, but they're feeling good enough about their progress on the lower difficulties to give it a go.
"Do something for me," Steff sends her.
"Sure," Vicky sends back.
"Deep breath, hold it, let it out slowly." Steff's typing tersely, like she's busy doing ten other things, which she probably is, since getting a 25-person raid together is like herding 24 cats.
Vicky draws a breath in, and as she holds it, she wonders a little about the way Steff phrases this... request? It's definitely a request, even though there's no question mark and it's written like an order. Steff wrote "Do something for me," as though Vicky is doing her a personal favor or something. She never does that when she's giving orders to the raid.
Vicky lets the breath out.
"Thanks," she sends back.
"Good," Steff replies, and Vicky feels a silly, blushing tingle of satisfaction. Steff is generally very sparing with her praise while she's leading, so to hear "good" from her is... nice. Definitely nice. Vicky actually likes the feeling of impressing - well, not exactly impressing, but pleasing - someone as collected and cool as Steff, she realizes.
Strange.
Sunday morning rolls around, and Vicky hasn't cleaned her place since she moved in and frankly the discarded Ikea packaging has her solidly outnumbered by now, but she decides she feels like gaming anyway.
Vicky's halfway through a daily quest when she sees Steff's name pop up in guild chat. "Morning," she types, and Steff doesn't reply in guild chat, but then something weird happens: Steff messages her privately. Normally it's sort of a faux pas to make a conversation private when it doesn't have to be, so maybe Steff wants to talk about something other than whether it is or isn't, in fact, a good morning.
But, no, Steff's first line is "Morning.", then there's a little pause, then "How are you?"
Vicky has to read it over a few times. Steff's never really shown the slightest interest in how she - or anyone, for that matter - is doing unless it's affecting the raid. Even the normal little "how're you?" "fine, you?" that seem to lubricate social interactions for everyone else are absent for her, so if she's asking, probably she's legitimately curious, and Vicky deletes her reflexive "fine".
"Avoiding housework," she goes with, "like a responsible adult. :) How about you?"
"You shouldn't put things like that off," Steff replies, ignoring Vicky's question. "They get harder to do the longer you leave them."
"Yeah," Vicky types, "but motivation."
"Would you like help with that?"
Vicky stares at her screen. Help? How would Steff help?
"Sure," she sends back.
"Hop on voice," Steff says, and when Vicky does so, Steff's sitting in one of the auxiliary channels they have set up for temporary meetings or whatever. Vicky jumps into it.
"Morning," Steff says, and she's using her raid leader voice, and already Vicky feels a little like she's a part of a team that has goals that need to be achieved.
"Morning," Vicky says back, and she's actually kind of unaccountably nervous, despite the fact that she's talking to someone she talks to just about every day. Maybe it's that it's just the two of them and that makes it feel kind of... intimate, in a way. Like they're on the phone together.
"Would you like me to motivate you?", Steff asks aloud, just as clinical as usual.
"Sure," Vicky says, with a nervous laugh.
"Ella, Go do your housework," Steff says flatly, in that tone she uses that brooks no disagreement.
Vicky rolls her eyes, but she can't deny that it works. If she's being honest with herself, now that Steff's actually asked her to do it, to not do it would risk disappointing her, and the idea of disappointing Steff makes Vicky's stomach turn a little.
"Yes ma'am," Vicky says, just a little playful sarcasm in her tone.
"Good," says Steff, and disconnects from voice. Vicky's just starting to think about how "good" feels to hear, when it's from Steff, and then she sees a followup message in their text chat window.
"After you're done, tell me." Steff says, and Vicky has to stare at that for a few seconds before she levers herself out of her chair to clean.
Normally, Vicky cleans in fits and starts, letting herself be distracted by gaming or television or whatever else, and she always ends up turning two hours of work into an entire day of sloth. This time, though, she's just about to sit down at her computer again after having loaded the dishwasher - progress, right? - when she realizes she left herself logged in to the game, and if she just starts playing without saying anything to Steff she might notice and be disappointed, and if she tells Steff she's done when she's really not she'll probably feel horrible about lying, so she really, actually, has no option other than to keep cleaning.
"This works strangely well," she types into her chat window with Steff, then gets up to start on the rest of her kitchen before any reply can appear.
Vicky cleans for another solid half-hour, but the entire time, there's a little tingle of curiosity in the back of her head, and eventually her resolve wears down and she sits in front of her computer to see if Steff said anything.
"I'm not surprised.", Steff had written, and then: "It seems like you have an easier time doing things when it's someone else telling you to do them, instead of yourself."
Vicky stares at that a little bit. She can't deny that she's cleaning a lot more efficiently than she normally does, but it's not because she likes being told what to do or anything. Normally people trying to push her around gets her hackles up, but this is Steff telling her what to do and she just... likes pleasing Steff, in a way that's difficult to frame with words.
"At least when it's you doing the telling," Vicky sends her back, and maybe it comes across as flirtatious on a second reading, but she decides to just let it stand, and before she can get up from her computer, she sees that Steff has sent back just this: ":)".
As she finishes up changing the sheets on her bed and launches into folding the laundry, Vicky wonders what that single smiley meant. Steff's happy, which isn't usually something she shows at all, but specifically she's happy that... that Vicky said she has an easy time doing stuff when Steff tells her to. Vicky finds herself wondering if it pleases Steff the same way it does her, and a little blush creeps onto her cheeks.
After she finishes cleaning her entire apartment, she sits down at her computer. It might be the most thorough cleaning job she's ever done in her life, actually, because every time she thought about skimping on something she thought about Steff being disappointed, and then she just got down and did it because disappointing her would be worse than figuring out how to clean a shower curtain.
"All done," she types in her chat window with Steff, and she gets back a "Hop on voice." Weird.
She does so, and finds Steff in the same side channel she was in before. She joins it, and Steff greets her with "You finished?"
"Yes," says Vicky, and she feels another stupid blush rising as she says it, because the feeling of telling Steff she did the thing Steff asked her to do is, well, nice.
"Tell me what you did," Steff says, raid leader voice still on, and Vicky basically narrates all the stuff she cleaned, and then talks a little about how much more open her apartment feels with less discarded cardboard in it, and Steff makes little approving, acknowledging murmurs as she talks, and then when she's done, Steff drops her raid leader voice for just one second and says, "Good."
Something about it gives Vicky this weird, hot burst of pleasure, partly because Steff's voice when she says that word sounds warm and affectionate instead of icy, and partly because (as she's discovering) she actually really does like making Steff proud of her.
The Tuesday night raid is pretty up and down for the first two runs, and on the third run, Steff makes the only mistake Vicky's ever seen her make. It's a bad call, definitely, and after they wipe there's dead silence on voice chat. Normally there'd be some gentle ribbing now, but the distance Steff keeps around herself means just awkward quiet instead. "Sorry, everyone," Steff says. "Let's reset and try again."
After the raid's over, Vicky sends Steff a message right away. Steff doesn't screw up often and her mistake cost the whole raid half an hour or so of progress. She might be taking it pretty hard. Vicky's not exactly sure why it's important to her that Steff not be hard on herself, but it is.
"Are you okay?" she sends.
"I'll be fine," Steff replies. "Thanks for asking."
"But you're not fine right now?"
A pause. "I don't like making mistakes. Especially not when people are depending on me."
Vicky grimaces, because she knows that feeling inside out. "Me either. We all make mistakes sometimes, though. Don't be too hard on yourself."
"Thanks," Steff says. "I'll try not to."
"I really like talking to you," Vicky sends, partly to cheer Steff up and partly because she really means it. They don't exactly have conversations per se; it's more like Steff is just... a part of her life, somehow. A fixture. Vicky can't deny that a big part of the reason she looks forward to logging on is that Steff seems to play the same hours she does, and even if they aren't talking, knowing that she's there and around feels good and comforting.
"I really like talking to you too," Steff replies, and a warm glow spreads through Vicky's chest, and she smiles at her screen.
There's no raid on wednesday evening, but Vicky's on anyway, doing some solo play. She's just finished a quest when Steff signs on, and Vicky messages her right away:
"Evening," she says, and Steff replies in kind.
"Want to do some questing together?"
"Sure," Steff says. "Hop on voice chat."
Vicky signs on right away, and then bounces herself into the room Steff's in.
"Hello," Steff says, and Vicky might be hearing genuine warmth in her voice, or she might just be imagining it. Either way, she smiles.
"How's your evening?", Vicky asks her, feeling somewhat bold. Steff doesn't talk about personal stuff, ever, and Vicky's already anticipating the "Fine." Instead, there's a quiet pause, and then Steff lets out a soft sigh. "It's okay, I guess," she says, and Vicky thinks she sounds kind of worn out. Before Vicky can open her mouth to ask, Steff says the name of a place, and they both mount up to head there.
Once they're in flight, Vicky decides to ask.
"Is something wrong?"
"It's nothing," Steff says. "Family stuff. Not a big deal."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
There's a long pause while Steff holds her mic open but says nothing, and Vicky can hear her breathing, and she's sure not breathing like it's not a big deal.
"Sorry," Steff finally says. "I mostly play to get away from real life stuff, you know?"
Of course. Vicky is already halfway through her apology for even asking when Steff cuts her off.
"No, it's okay, it's just..." Steff trails off, then sighs again. Vicky's never actually heard her at a loss for words before.
"I'm not good at talking about feelings," Steff finishes.
"If you want to talk, I'll listen," Vicky says.
For the next four hours, Steff and Vicky talk, at first haltingly and then more and more freely. Vicky talks about getting divorced, about moving to a new city and leaving everyone she knew behind, about work, and Steff doesn't really talk about herself but she really, genuinely listens to what Vicky says, and pays attention, and it's clear to Vicky that Steff genuinely does care about what she's saying.
When she gets up for a drink, Vicky can't help but compare the deliberate, intentional way Steff listens to her with the kind of half-distracted way Dan used to, like he was mentally composing his next facebook post and kind of tuning her out the entire time. The way Steff really seems to focus on her feels really good, actually, and it gives Vicky warm fuzzies that she merits that kind of caring, even if it is just from another woman she plays a video game with.
That night, Vicky lies awake in her bed, thinking. She told Steff a bunch about herself, but she didn't really learn much about her in return. All she knows, really, is that Steff lives by herself, and she didn't mention a significant other, or indeed any other friends. The thought mingles with Steff's earlier remark about getting away from real life, and it occurs to Vicky that maybe Steff is lonely. The thought squeezes at her heart a little, and she wishes she hadn't had it, instead of lying here and feeling helpless about it. She never wants Steff to be lonely.
They talk next on Sunday morning. Vicky hops on early, and hops onto voice, too. Steff's already on, which is a happy surprise. It's actually a little weird how happy she gets when Steff's around, like she's crushing on the other woman or something.
Oh. Oh crap.
A couple of pieces fall into place for her. She's been deliberately hanging around, hoping to talk with Steff, seeking her out to chat by text and voice. For that matter, she actually lay awake in bed last night thinking about her - not in any lewd way but because Steff legitimately fascinates her. She's really cool and kind of distant when she's talking to the raid, but sometimes when she talks with just Vicky there are these little flashes of warmth from her and - yep, Vicky's blushing like a schoolgirl.
"Morning, Ella," Steff says out loud, and Vicky tabs over to see that in fact the two of them are the only ones on voice chat right now, out of the entire guild. This is a degree of familiarity Steff doesn't display with anyone else, and Vicky's not sure she would unless they were alone.
"Good morning," Vicky replies.
"Housecleaning again today?", Steff asks, and Vicky's a little surprised that she remembered that Vicky mentioned she always does it on Sunday mornings.
"When I can motivate myself," she says, with a little self-deprecating edge to her voice.
"Go do your housecleaning," Steff says, slipping into her leader voice without any preamble at all, and it honestly makes Vicky shiver just a little bit. It doesn't sound like a request, or even an order; it sounds like a flat statement about how the world is going to be in the future, and Vicky can't help but get carried along by that.
Besides, it still does feel a strange kind of nice to do what Steff says.
"Come tell me when you finish," Steff says, like an afterthought.
"Yes ma'am," Vicky says, just like she would if Steff had just asked her to conjure a bunch of elixirs or resurrect a dead raid member, only instead of formulaic it's... playful, even vaguely flirty, and she hears what she swears is an amused snort from Steff before she takes off her headset.
When Vicky comes back to her computer, there's still nobody else on - a real lazy bunch, her guildmates, sleeping in past seven on a Sunday - but Steff's still there, and Vicky pretends to herself for a moment that Steff was waiting for her to get back. For sure she doesn't usually linger on voice chat unless she has something to say.
Vicky lists out all the stuff she cleaned, and as she does, she finds that she really hopes Steff is happy with her for doing it all. She definitely wouldn't have done it this quickly or well if it was just for herself.
If she's being honest, she was pretending, just to herself, that Steff would see the results and judge her if it wasn't perfect.
Steff listens, and she sounds pleased, and then she almost purrs "good girl" to Vicky, and it's like the words themselves are running all their edges up and down her spine, the way it makes her tingle to hear it. Vicky definitely wants more of that feeling. The way she said it this time - not just "good" but "good girl", like Vicky's a pet of hers that's behaving really well, makes Vicky grin foolishly and to her surprise she feels a little pool of warmth gathering between her thighs, too.
She can't really bring herself to say it aloud, so she opens a message window with Steff instead.
"Cleaning house is a lot more fun when you tell me to do it," she types. She stares at it for a minute. It's embarrassing to see the words written down, but it's also true, and she wants Steff to know. She hits send.
"I thought so," Steff replies, in text. "You seem like you enjoy being told what to do in general."
Vicky reads it three times in a row, and her face flushes. She's... she's thought about that kind of stuff before, at some length, but never tried it. She couldn't ever imagine herself doing it with Dan, but when it's Steff... she exhales sharply, glad the other woman can't hear what happened to her breathing just now.
Normally Vicky would want to be indirect and subtle now, try to feel out how Steff actually feels about this (whatever this is), but Steff seems pretty direct, and Vicky decides to just say how she's feeling.
"Not in general," she says. "Just by you."
There is an absolutely agonizing pause. Probably a whole minute or more. Just as Vicky's starting to think Steff actually went away from her computer without saying anything, she hears the other woman's voice in her headset.
"Ella?"
God. She's not sure she's even capable of having this conversation out loud.
"Yes?"
"Were you serious?" Steff has never sounded as uncertain, as vulnerable, as she does just now, and it almost physically pains Vicky to hear it.
"Yes," she says, quietly but firmly.
"I like telling you what to do, too," Steff says, softly, and from the tenderness in her voice Vicky can tell that Steff, usually so calm and confident, is actually deathly afraid that Vicky will reject her, that this will all turn out to be some kind of bizarre trick or just not what it seems, and so Vicky replies:
"Please keep doing it."
She can almost hear the smile in Steff's answering "I will."
Vicky can't sleep at all tonight. She keeps turning that conversation with Steff over and over in her head, trying to make sure there's no way she misunderstood Steff, and no way Steff misunderstood her. She said it in so many words, right? Vicky doesn't know if Steff meant that she actually feels the same way Vicky does when she orders Vicky around, or she just likes it for some other reason. Dammit. She could lie awake all night, torturing herself like this.
She tries to force herself to think about something else. Work? Not work. Raiding? Maybe... and now she's thinking about Steff again, but at least she's not thinking about the conversation. Mixed blessings.
She's definitely, obviously crushing on Steff. There's no way she can deny that to herself. Crushing on another woman is a first for her but it doesn't feel like a huge or terrible thing - indeed, it seems like the only natural way one could feel about Steff, really. So that's something.
On top of that, there's this way Steff makes her feel sometimes, which is hot and exciting and not really something she's ever experienced before either. Vicky finds herself wondering what Steff looks like. Then she starts thinking about the way Steff says "good girl" to her, and her hand wanders between her legs.
Vicky signs on, and right away opens a message window with Steff.
"Evening," she says.
"Evening," Steff replies. "How're you?"
"Great!", Vicky sends back, and then, kind of giddy, she types "I thought about you a bunch last night, while I was trying to get to sleep" and sends it before she has a chance to think. Her brain catches up a second later and she blushes furiously as she realizes what she's just said. Steff's going to think she is just incredibly weird, now. Vicky physically cringes and covers the message window up with her hands, then starts peeking between her fingers, hoping against hope Steff will say something other than "um what".
She gets her wish.
After a pause, Steff writes back:
"I'm glad."
Vicky's heart flutters a little, at that. Steff's glad? That Vicky thought about her last night?
Then her train of thought derails entirely, because Steff writes "I think about you too, sometimes."
Vicky lets that sit in her brain while she signs onto voice chat and prepares for the evening raid.
There's a hell of a thunderstorm going on outside right now. The rain's enough to rattle the windows of Vicky's apartment, and the thunder is overpoweringly loud. A perfect evening to be inside.
Everyone's more or less on their game tonight, and they're making a lot of progress, but the storm isn't abating even a little bit, and it's honestly sort of difficult to hear her guildmates over the thunder.
Steff's going over the plan for the next boss when there's a cataclysmically loud thunderclap that actually shakes the glass on her desk, and then, half a second or so later, she hears an echo of thunder in the background as Steff's talking. It must be storming where she is, too.
The next time it happens, though, Vicky realizes. It's the exact same thunder, on a short delay, which means Steff is in the same storm as she is. Which means Steff is somewhere in New York too, probably. Which means they actually live quite close together, probably. Which means that meeting Steff in real life is a thing that could happen, probably.
Vicky holds her tongue, by use of superhuman willpower, until after the raid's done. She messages Steff the very second the other woman signs off voice chat.
"Can I ask you something personal?"
"Maybe," Steff sends back. "What is it?"
"Do you live in New York?"
There is a long pause.
"How did you know?", types Steff.
"The storm. I heard the same thunder when you talked."
"So you're in New York too?"
Vicky exhales sharply, wondering whether Steff's mind went down the same trail that hers did.
"Yeah," she sends, and then stares as hard as she can at the chat window, willing it to contain a new message. After a few seconds, it obliges.
"I'd like to meet you," Steff sends, and Vicky exhales sharply.
Can she do this? She hasn't even been divorced three months yet. She's never actually dated a woman before. She's not even sure if she can, or if she'll actually meet Steff and they'll be good friends but nothing more and this... feeling... inside her will just be empty and unfulfilled. For that matter, Vicky's not even totally certain that Steff meant for this to be a date. She's not sure what she's going to do if it turns out that she didn't.
Vicky has six outfits laid out on her bed right now, and she's trying to choose the one that makes her look cutest. This will be her first date, or even thing that might be a date, in over five years, which is an indication of how bad things with Dan were, if anything is. She hopes she remembers how to do cute. She ends up picking a white sundress and some wedge heels, and goes to fix her hair.
As she goes, she glances at the clock: forty-five minutes, and the restaurant's ten minutes away. Plenty of time.
After she said yes, Steff simply named a restaurant and a time, without really asking Vicky's preferences. Normally Vicky would find this annoying or overbearing, but she's new in the city and she trusts Steff to make this decision well for her. Steff doesn't seem like she gets things wrong very often, and again, Vicky gets that pleasing rush when Steff decides things.
Vicky threads a green ribbon through her hair. That's the token Steff told her to wear, so she could pick Vicky out.
Vicky fidgets in her seat. She knew exactly how long it would take to get to the restaurant, but she still left ten minutes earlier than she had to - just in case she got lost, she told herself, even though it's practically impossible to get lost in Manhattan's grid - and now here she is, at a table set for two, green ribbon in her hair, nervous as a teenager. She can't even make herself focus on the menu, which is a shame, because it looks fascinating.
She settles for looking out over the city. The restaurant Steff picked out is actually on the roof of a pretty tall building, and the view around sunset is frankly spectacular. Vicky could look at this city forever, she thinks.
"Ella?"
Vicky's head snaps around instantly, and she sees Steff for the first time. She's tall, taller than Vicky is, and she's wearing a navy blazer and matching pencil skirt, which make her look a bit like a lawyer, but the heels she's wearing definitely say date rather than day at the office. Vicky looks up, and then she catches Steff's eyes, which are... wow. Her eyes are warm, and her gaze is absolutely steady, and there's a smile on her lips. Her hair is pulled back into a neat bun, and the entire look creates an impression of perfect self-control and self-assurance. Vicky immediately feels a little bit unworthy.
"Steff?", she whispers, averting her eyes for the moment. She worried that she'd find Steff unattractive in person, but the exact opposite is true - Steff is actually so incredibly, intoxicatingly, perfectly put together that Vicky's glad she's already sitting down, because her knees would probably be wobbling right now.
Steff smiles, and sits down across from her.
"You look lovely," she says, which answers Vicky's question about whether this is a date or not. She blushes furiously, but manages to stammer out: "Thank you. You look... amazing."
Steff gives her a wider answering smile this time, and Vicky feels her blush get deeper, somehow. God, the woman's smile is just as beautiful as the rest of her, and Vicky is acutely conscious that she's not nearly as cool as Steff clearly is.
"Would you like me to order for you?", Steff asks her, voice lowered a little bit so people at the surrounding tables won't hear. Vicky doesn't have to think for very long to realize that yes, she would like that, and she whispers a "yes" back to Steff, her face reddening again.
"You're blushing?", Steff asks, and there's something playful in her voice.
"I usually do, when I talk to you," Vicky replies. Being honest is probably the best thing to do here. That way, at least, she'll find out that Steff's not interested earlier rather than later.
"I wish I got to see it more often," Steff says, with a sly smile, and Vicky feels a little bit giddy. She can't even remember the last time someone flirted with her, even as gently as Steff's doing right now.
When the waiter comes by, Steff, true to her word, orders for both of them.
Vicky and Steff linger over dinner, then over dessert. Steff's manner is easy and confident, and Vicky finds her thoroughly charming. Conversation with her is easy, and Steff is not much less reticent than she's always been, but the way she listens and the way she smiles makes Vicky feel like the only person in the world, and that feeling is nice in the same way that listening to orders from Steff is.
By the end of the night, Vicky's learned a few new things. One of them is that she absolutely, definitely wants to see Steff again. They swap phone numbers, and Steff walks Vicky back to her apartment. Vicky thinks about inviting her up, but it seems like it might be a little forward, and in any case she hasn't tidied up.
After she's gotten into bed, Vicky stares at Steff's number in her phone.
"That was really fun," she texts, and then tries to avoid holding her breath. If Steff was just putting up with her, this is where she'll find out.
The reply is just about instant. "It really was. Next week, same time?"
Vicky grins at her phone. "Absolutely. Where?"
"Pick one: I'll pick a restaurant, or my place and I'll cook."
Oh, God.
"Your place."
"See you then," Steff texts back, with an address.
The next week is one of the slowest of Vicky's life. She talks with Steff whenever the opportunity comes up, and she's sure that when it's just the two of them talking, Steff's voice has less of her usual iron control and more warmth and affection.
Steff's apartment is almost exactly what Vicky imagined, and she's privately pleased with herself for knowing Steff this well. It's small - this is Manhattan, after all - but new, spotlessly clean, and meticulously organized. Vicky has not the smallest doubt that Steff keeps it clean herself. Her kitchen, too, is small but modern, and Steff turns out to be a woman of no small talent on that front.
After a spectacular dinner, Steff invites her to watch a movie together on her couch.
"Would you like me to pick the movie?", she asks, and it makes Vicky grin that Steff keeps offering to take these tiny decisions away from her, and because she's getting to really like the feeling of Steff deciding things for her, she says yes, and that's when she learns that Steff has good taste in movies, too.
During the movie, Vicky ends up with her head resting on Steff's shoulder, and Steff's arm around her shoulders, feeling incredibly comfortable. She doesn't really want to move, but Steff nuzzles her.
"Your choice: you can stay the night, or I can walk you home."
That makes Vicky smile, too. She doesn't need to be walked home - she's just as capable of being safe on the street as anyone else - but the idea that Steff's default inclination is to take care of her feels good.
There's another reason she doesn't need to be walked home, though, which is that there's no chance at all she's going to turn down Steff's invitation to stay. She knows what Steff's skin feels like on hers now, even if it's just casual, affectionate touches while they're eating together or watching a movie, and she knows that she wants more.
"I'd like to stay," Vicky says, pressing herself in closer to Steff, and Steff squeezes her tightly, and then their lips meet for the first time, and Vicky almost squeals because of how happy it makes her.
Vicky and Steff more or less tumble into Steff's bedroom together, unable to get enough of each other. The first kiss on the couch set off an avalanche of further kissing, and neither of them much feels like slowing down. Steff pushes Vicky onto her bed, and then she's on top of her, and Vicky is on her back, panting, looking up at this gorgeous woman above her, and Steff's looking down at her with something hungry in her eyes.
"You okay?", Steff breathes, and Vicky just nods at her, feeling her own arousal flushing her cheeks, and then Vicky lays her hands flat on the mattress, either side of her head, and Steff glances at her face and then takes the invitation. Steff's hands on her wrists feel like iron, cool and solid, and Vicky shivers involuntarily at the new sensation of being helpless.
"You like taking orders, hm?", Steff whispers, lips an inch from Vicky's ear, and she whimpers and murmurs "yes ma'am", and Steff rewards her with a smile, which feels so so good.
"Here's my first, then," Steff says. "If you ever want to stop, if I ever do something you're uncomfortable with, if you just need a break, you say 'stop' right away, and I'll stop. Can you do that for me?"
Vicky nods, closing her eyes and relaxing a little bit into the mattress. It isn't exactly the sort of thing she'd fantasized about Steff ordering her to do, but it makes her spine tingle, a little bit, that the thing Steff wants to order her to do more than anything else is to take care of herself.
"Out loud," Steff whispers, hands still unmoveable on Vicky's wrists.
"Yes ma'am," Vicky says, and now there's no hint of a joke there at all.
Steff tilts her head, and now her lips are on Vicky's neck, and then her teeth are there, and the little spike of pain that crawls across her skin feels just incredible, and she strains a little bit against Steff's grip, not because she wants to escape but because she wants to remind herself that she can't, and then Vicky lets out a sharp breath as she realizes just how aroused she is by this.
"You liked that," Steff says, amusement in her voice, eyes on Vicky's face.
"Yes ma'am."
"Keep your hands here," Steff says, then lets go of them without waiting for an acknowledgment. Vicky keeps her hands absolutely still while Steff undoes the buttons of her blouse and pulls it open.
"Good girl," Steff purrs, and Vicky almost involuntarily presses her thighs together. How does Steff make those two words feel so good?
Then Steff grabs her wrists again, and she trails her lips down Vicky's throat, her teeth gently nipping at the pale skin there, and Vicky doesn't even bother trying to hold herself still any more. She lets herself squirm and writhe under Steff, helpless before mounting waves of pleasure.
"I like how responsive you are," Steff murmurs, lips still down near the hollow between Vicky's breasts, and Vicky lets out a shaky breath. If expressing how much she's enjoying this pleases Steff, she'll make noise until the neighbors complain. Vicky's about to say something about how much she likes responding to Steff when the other woman tugs her bra out of place with her teeth and her lips find Vicky's bare breast.
Steff's lips on the sensitive skin there feel like they're burning and the sensation is almost too intense for her to stand, but it feels so very, very good and she knows that if she says stop Steff will stop, and if it means more of this pleasure then Vicky can stand being a little overwhelmed.
It feels like Steff keeps her there just like that for hours, with her clothes in disarray and her wrists pinned flat, completely at Steff's mercy while she explores and teases and torments her with her lips and teeth and tongue. Vicky's going crazy, she thinks - her panties must be soaked completely through by now - but Steff still looks as cool and disciplined as she did when Vicky first met her, save for the hungry expression on her face and the deep, warm affection in her eyes.
Vicky begins outright begging, eventually, for Steff to make her orgasm, or let her orgasm, or just touch her at all, and Steff gives her a smile, and Vicky realizes that not only does Steff really enjoy being in control like this, but Vicky enjoys giving it to her.
"Keep your hands still," Steff says again, and Vicky wouldn't dream of moving them, not now, not while she's lying her literally trembling with desire for the beautiful woman straddling her. Steff lets go of her wrists, then slowly, so slowly that it's like she's deliberately teasing Vicky, she undoes Vicky's skirt, pulls it off of her, and then slides Vicky's panties down her legs. She gives Vicky a satisfied look.
"Enjoying yourself?"
Vicky blushes, but meets Steff's gaze. She's not sure she's ever been so turned on in her life and she'll be damned if she's not going to be upfront about it.
"Very much, ma'am."
Steff purrs again, and leans down to whisper right in her ear.
"Keep calling me that," she says, as she gathers both of Vicky's wrists in one hand and pins them above her head, and then her other hand finds its way between Vicky's thighs.
"Oh, God," Vicky murmurs, close to the edge already after the merciless things Steff's being doing with her body all evening.
"Beg me," Steff says, and when Vicky looks up at her, there's cold fire in her eyes, and although Steff's dressed like a lawyer right now she looks like a warrior-queen to Vicky, and Vicky is happy, so happy, to be her subject.
"Please, ma'am," Vicky whimpers, and two of Steff's fingers slide inside her easily.
"You're soaking wet," Steff says, her voice rougher now, almost a growl, and Vicky moans in answer, because she knows and she loves it and she loves that her body responds this way to what Steff's doing. Steff's grip on her wrist has not loosened one bit, and the things she's doing with her fingers are things Vicky didn't even know her body was capable of feeling, and -
Vicky's entire universe contracts, for a moment, to just the sensations of her body and the marvelous, perfect feeling of Steff's body against hers and Steff's fingers inside her, and she cries out, and then, panting, comes slowly back to earth as Steff kisses her neck and whispers sweetness in her ear.
Once Vicky's at least semi-coherent again, Steff lets her wrists go, and pulls Vicky into her arms. "Good girl," she whispers, and Vicky jerks almost reflexively as the warm feeling of pleasing Steff drips through her.
As the last of Vicky's arousal fades away, she presses herself back against Steff. She and Steff are both still wearing their clothing, but neither of them care, right now. Steff tightens her grip on her, and Vicky enjoys the feeling of strong arms around her, and a feeling of very profound peace fills her.
"Vicky," she says quietly, and Steff murmurs a question.
"My name is Vicky," she clarifies.
She's sure she can hear Steff smiling in the dark behind her. To give up her body is one thing, but they met in a culture where real names are almost taboo, and so Vicky's real name is a gift, nothing less.
"My name is Sarah," Steff says, quietly, and as she drifts off to sleep, Vicky repeats it to herself.